


Without My Sunshine, I Can Not Thrive

by RabbitOfAurora



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, And gets all up in their business, Bullying, Confession, Eremin - Freeform, Eren is an ass, Eventual Smut, Hange is the school nurse, Hidden Feelings, Homophobia, M/M, Trust Issues, but that changes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 11:05:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6702199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RabbitOfAurora/pseuds/RabbitOfAurora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A high school AU where Eren can't deal with his feelings for Armin, and like a little child, shows them by bullying him. If you want to find out what happens when Eren divulges his feelings keep reading! He will have a lot to make up for, and later on Armin will have his own making up to do because he got drunk and did something regrettable.</p>
<p>(Chapter 1 updated 7/5/16)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without My Sunshine, I Can Not Thrive

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all. I've been wanting to write and post this for a while. Sorry the first chapter is so short, it just felt like a good place to end it for now. I have a reasonable amount planned for this fic, with plenty of drama and sex and talking/working out issues. I'm excited. So you should let me know how I'm doing by leaving a review!
> 
> So after struggling with this chapter for so long, I finally found a flow going into chapter 2 and decided to edit it and make it longer. Sorry if you had to read it twice!

Armin squeaked as he was shoved to ground, his bottom lip clenched between his teeth, he was holding back tears. Armin absolutely refused to cry again though; refused to give Eren the satisfaction of seeing it. It's not that he was upset this time (even though he was) but he certainly was in pain. When you were victim of bullying the nature of your tears didn't matter though, each one shed could surely be used against you; as an emotional bullet to be scooped up and fired into your very soul; used to break you... to shatter you into unrecognizable pieces. 

"Don't fucking cry again you shitty blonde Buttercup. I didn't even do anything, you tripped over your own clumsy feet! Maybe if you weren't such a nerd you wouldn't feel the need to carry so many books with you all the time and could actually walk properly" Eren barked out condescendingly, laughter following.

Armin stayed down; knowing that Eren's taunting would only last a minute before he left; to do what, Armin didn't know, and didn't much care either, he just knew that Eren's attention wouldn't be on him anymore. Thank god. He didn't hear what Eren said next; something about a thirsty flower before Armin felt the distinct wetness of saliva on his face as in the most literal way, insult was added to injury. 

Once Eren left and was out of sight, Armin wiped his cheek with the back of his uniformed cardigan sleeve before crawling on all fours to gather his scattered belongings. With all of his books and a pencil case in hand he stood as best he was able, finding it more difficult than it should have been because of the way his ankle had twisted upon his fall. Armin could tell already that it was swelling and instead of going to his scheduled class (which he was already running late for; even before his encounter with Eren,) hobbled to the first aid room. With a hefty sigh, Armin knocked and gave a tired smile as he was met the school nurse, Hange. 

"... Eren again?" Hange had greeted with a sympathetic smile, to which Armin nodded and entered, taking seat on the sparsely decorated bed and removing both shoes carefully before elevating his swelling ankle. Armin was familiar with the process that was about to take place, so he didn't pay much attention as Hange secured his foot, wrapping it firmly in a bandage to restrict movement, nor the chill of the ice pack placed on top. 

While all this took place, Armin found himself glancing over the worn posters pinned up to the eggshell white wall, skeletons with muscles on show, arrows pointing, the names of various sections of flesh and bone written alongside them. The figures often reminded him of a character from one of his favourite series, a Japanese comic called Shingeki No Kyojin; which in English translated to something like Attack On Titan.

Hange brought Armin from his thoughts when she spoke, a gentle but optimistic tone, "your ankle is bruising already; it's probably just a bad sprain, but could be broken. Do you have someone that can come and get you, take you for an X-ray?"

Armin groaned and let his head fall back to the pillow, it felt almost too clean against his head and had become flat with years of use "no, Grandpa is busy today. He'll be around to pick me up after school though. If it's okay I don't mind waiting around here until then; and before you ask if I'll get bored you know I won't. I have my books and home work to finish... I also have you for company." A huff of amusement left him at that; Hange had to be the only other person he knew that was as into the SNK comic as much as he was, so their conversations were always riveting. 

Hange sat in her computer chair, swivelling it around to face her desk where she began filling out an incident report. The chair itself was red leather and by far the nicest thing in the office; Hange had once told Armin that she purchased it herself because she spent a lot of time sitting and wanted to be comfortable. There was nothing remarkable about the desk itself, just a cheap piece of furniture that held an old school issued computer that both got the job done. 

Once she was done with the paperwork, Hange swivelled the chair back to face Armin and crossed her legs casually, right over left.

"You know I always love when you come to keep me company. I just prefer our visits to be a little more planned, and less..." Hange waved her hand at Armin in a knowing gesture, "you being injured."

Armin laughed, over these past months Hange had really become more like a friend then a staff member, which is probably why he felt so at ease around her and had no trouble opening up. 

"Yeah, impromptu visits aren't my favourite thing in the world either, but hey, it could be worse!" 

"That it could be," Hange agreed with a curt nod of head, the force of it knocking loose a few red curls from her ponytail which came to rest on her cheeks. She made no move to brush them away. "Did you go talk to him? Were you able to find out why yet?"

Armin shook his head with a huff. "No. I keep chickening out. Besides, I've literally never done anything towards him to even pull his attention, and I keep thinking maybe if I just keep to myself he'll just stop, but I feel like that makes it worse? But that doesn't make any sense. It's actually pretty frustrating."

"Asking would be better than doing nothing though right? You can't keep going like this Armin. And you can 'but' and rationalize all you like, you know I'm not wrong." Hange really wasn't, Armin was in two or three times a week, blood noses, sprains, swelling and even a black eye or two... "If you're okay with it, I will go and get him right now and sit him-" Hange stuck her head out the door briefly to make sure none of the other staff members were hanging around outside to hear drop the F-bomb, "the fuck down and we can interrogate him together. He'll probably watch himself in the presents of a teacher. "

Armin let out an ugly snort; it was always hilarious seeing his teachers swear like that, especially Hange. He knew that she did it just to make him laugh, and he very much appreciated it. 

"What the heck, may as well... I mean it can't get too much worse.. Right?"

Hange gave a curt nod and tussled Armin's hair reassuringly, "I'll be right back then."

Armin watched Hange leave the room and suddenly felt very unsure about his decision. What if things did escalate and become unbearable? Would he be made to transfer schools? But this was just a chat, and it would be confidential between the three of them so it's not like Eren would get in trouble for anything he said. Maybe it was also just a misunderstanding that could be easily cleared up and today was the day that life would become easier?

At some point after Hange left, Armin realized that he'd started crying and cursed softly because he really hadn't wanted to be seen like this. While wiping his now red eyes of the excess moisture the door opened and Armin jumped, startled.

"Now take a seat, Eren." Hange held an aura about her that she didn't usual have. Normally she was very high energy and reasonably care free. Now she commanded the room, like an actual adult. It was rather strange to Armin who had come to know her reasonably well. 

Eren sat, only glancing at Armin on the bed. While his exterior didn't change, he felt his heart squeeze painfully. It was these exact feelings he despised, and why he hated Armin, why he hated his parents... why he hated himself. "I assume you brought me here to talk with... Armin" the name sounded forced, but Eren relished the way it rolled off of his tongue. "I have nothing to say to him."

"Eren... Yes, that's why I've asked you here. You obviously hold some kind of grudge against Armin and I just want you two to talk, because I can't sit idly by and watch this anymore. Anything you say will be confidential so please make use of this time? I'll even go stand outside if that's what it takes, so please work this out between you two."

Eren thought long a hard for a moment, openly looking at Armin now and taking in his injured ankle, his gorgeous blue eyes that were wet with tears and just the overall sorry state of him.. The state that Eren had put him in. 

"Fine," Eren spat. a scowl forming on his lips. 

" Armin, I'll be just outside, so call for me if you need to okay?" Hange left the room with a nod, closing the door behind herself.

Armin was a bit lost, laying there looking at this disgruntled boy that clearly stated he had nothing to say to him, but overcoming his nerves he found the conviction to speak. 

"E-Eren. I really don't know what I did to you to deserve this treatment, if I even did anything at all, but I'm sorry. I just really wish that I understood why, so I could take steps towards changing it. Maybe even see our way to becoming friends." Armin's voice was soft, and he only took fleeting glances at Eren who's disposition didn't change at all. 

There was a long pause as Eren mulled over the words; feeling like a worse and worse human being by the second. Armin was apologizing. Armin who would never hurt anyone, Armin who was smart and polite and kind and just... a ray of sunshine in everyone's day; was apologizing to him. Was willing to change his perfect self just to maybe be friends. Eren moistened his lips and called out to the blonde, making eye contact. Armin deserved better than this; deserved an explanation. 

"Armin - I'm sorry. Absolutely none of this is because of you, it's- honestly it's because I'm a piece of shit. The first time I saw you... Butterflies and racing pulse and sweaty palms, the whole shebang. I can't deal with being so attracted to a guy, my dad would disown me if he knew. I want to hate you.. I want you to hate me. I want you to notice me... Just - fucking fuck. I don't know okay?" Eren's voice was a whisper rough with emotion. Frustration, regret, hurt and confusion permeating every word, "just keep away from me and I won't bother you anymore." Eren stood and opened the door, slamming it on his way out. Leaving behind a very confused and blushing Armin.

XXX

Armin currently lay in his own bed, a plush double centred in the moderately sized room. His window was cracked letting in a crisp breeze and under it was situated a worn oak desk, a laptop, desk lamp and books scattered atop it along with the odd sweets wrapper. There were several bookshelves lining the walls, not all containing books, but statues and figures from various games. On the far left wall Armin had set up a collage of pictures, drawings and posters, which went unnoticed a majority of the time, but the blonde in his seemingly more quiet moments like to sit and examine and enjoy the various pieces he had chosen to display; occasionally taking joy in rearranging them.

In all his years on this planet, Armin didn't think he had ever had a stranger day than today. His mind kept reeling back to that moment Eren confessed; he could barely even recall his conversation with Hange afterwards, or his grandfather picking him up, or the doctor declaring his ankle a very nasty sprain and recommending crutches and rest.

"Butterflies and racing pulse and sweaty palms huh?" Armin sighed to no one in particular, not sure what to do with this specific information, if anything at all. The most logical thing would be to figure out just how hell he felt about all this though. A large part of him was flattered, he supposed. Eren was a pretty decent looking guy; outgoing, athletic, expressive. Armin didn't hate him, but Eren had hurt him so much in the past it was hard to see him as anything other than an insensitive asshole with his head up his own ass. For all Armin knew Eren said what he did to get further under his skin. But something about the brunet's words just felt... honest. Armin put the thoughts to bed though, along with himself that night, because really there was nothing to do except as Eren had asked and keep to himself as much as possible.

The next few weeks were peaceful, Eren kept true to his word and Armin respected the other's wishes by keeping to himself and no conflicts were had between the two of them. If only the whole situation could have just ended there; but it didn't. Armin found himself more and more often looking at Eren with interest, and every so often their gaze would catch and just as quickly as they saw each other they would look away. Eren with a scowl and Armin with dustings of pink coating his cheeks; and like a moth to a flame, neither could stay away from the other but who was the moth and who was the flame had yet to become known to them, but it would become clear to anyone looking in that they were both moths, and they were both on fire.


End file.
